by c-mama

I homeschool 4 of my kids.

The first year I homeschooled, I gave my daughter a standardized test and turned it into the state.

The second year, my daughters were seen by an evaluator. She was a bit rough around the edges, but things went fine.

The third year I took my girls to her again. She passed my youngest daughter and did not pass my oldest daughter. Her understanding of my daughter’s curriculum was incorrect. And her basis of evaluation was incorrect. She did not look to see if my daughter showed progress – she looked at my daughter’s age and said that she should know certain things that she did not know and did not pass her. I turned that into the school board instead of getting a second opinion. I was not a strong person and just didn’t think of getting a second opinion.

But that evaluation caused me to believe that I couldn’t teach my children effectively. But I knew that the Lord called me to homeschool my kids. There was a war going on inside my head and I was going crazy.

I continued to homeschool my daughters the next year and my son also joined the ranks. But when it came time for evaluations, I couldn’t take them to the other evaluator for fear of the same thing happening as last year. But I also didn’t pursue getting another evaluator because I was afraid of what to tell the other evaluator and I was afraid I would be judged and my kids wouldn’t pass. I told you I wasn’t a strong person.

The next school year, I homeschooled 4 of my kids. A friend of mine was looking for an evaluator and told me that she found someone and gave me her number. I called her because I knew I needed to get the evaluations done, but I was a year behind and cowering in fear. The school board hadn’t contacted me about the missing year, but I was so scared to open my mailbox everyday for fear that they would suspend my right to homeschool.

I saw Wendy, the new evaluator, and explained that we hadn’t had the kids evaluated in 2 years, can she do 2 years for us. She did. She wrote up 2 letters per kid, well, the three that needed them and one for my son who had just started.

2005 – I was feeling insecure again in this area since we started out thinking we would do unit studies. Homeschooling 4 kids and having 2 babies was stressing me out. I did one unit study, had them do math and for a couple of months (they go by so fast), I did only Math. I didn’t have all the books, and the fear just started taking over because of my procrastination.

I think it was January when I started getting back on track with the school work, but I was having the kids correcting each other’s work. I still was having a difficult time managing everything.

Then I found out that Wendy moved out of state. I was crushed because I thought we had finally found someone who worked for us. Now we would have to find someone else.

I sort of left the ball in my friend’s court since she was the one to find Wendy in the first place and I knew she would have to find someone for her son. They went away on vacation during July and I got to spend that whole month worrying.

We started up homeschooling again this past week, just picking up where we left off with one exception. I am now sitting down with them. We all work on the same subject at the same time. I work with them to make sure they are understanding their work. I read aloud and work with them on their problems. I still hadn’t found an evaluator. My friend came back this week, but I hadn’t spoken to her. I realized it really wasn’t up to her to find me an evaluator, although, it would easier that way. I had been praying nearly every day for the past month that the Lord would send us an evaluator.

My friend called today to let me know she found someone. I called him and he sounds very kind. He had 7 children of his own that are homeschooled. He has been an evaluator for the past 10 years and has taught highschool, middleschool, been a principal and is now writing curriculum.

I had gone through the boys’ work last week because their drawer was completely disorganized. I don’t think the girls’ work will be too difficult to go through.

I have an appointment with him to evaluate my kids on Tuesday at my friend’s house with her son. I am so scared. I guess I’m still weak. I am trying so hard not worry about what other people think, not to be a man pleaser, but my kids future with homeschool lies in this man’s hands. Ok, it lies in mine, but if I blew it last year, he has the power to pass or fail them.

So, tomorrow and Monday I will be going through their books to gather a sample of their work for the evaluator to go through. I will be praying that the Lord give me peace and help me stop worrying. It is what it is. I cannot go back and do things over. I need to accept responsibility for my actions and hope that things go well on Tuesday and make this next year our best year so far.

This phone call today should have increased my faith. The Lord answered my prayer and sent me an evaluator. But I am still feeling so insecure in my ability to teach my kids that I forgot to look at that as an answered prayer – a blessing.

If you believe in the power of prayer and believe in Jesus Christ and believe that God still answers prayers today, if you are reading this and it is not yet Tuesday, August 15, 1:00 PM EST please pray for me. Pray for Bill, the new evaluator and pray for my kids.